A Little Reminder

I set reminders for everything. To wake up on time, to sign up for spin class, to remember to pack all the parts to my breast pump for work each day… But I think I’m missing an important one. The one that pops up sporadically that says, “You’re not failing as a wife or mother.”

This morning during our commute, my husband was lamenting the lack of homemade baked goods in his life. I quickly quipped, “You chose for me to provide for the family financially. You can’t have it both ways.” (For the record, I make oatmeal cookies every Friday and my mother rarely goes a week without baking some kind of muffin or bread. I do purchase an angel food cake at Whole Foods each week for a quick and yummy dessert, but there have been no issues slicing into that…)

Man, the glimmer of Mother’s Day fades fast. The guilt kicked in.

As I wiped the tears that started streaming down my face, I envisioned life with my perfectly styled hair and effortlessly coordinated outfit, trips to the library for story time, an always adorably dressed baby, jogging in the sunshine, grocery shopping for the freshest ingredients for dinner during the day and a kitchen full of food that I prepared myself. I have always loved being in the kitchen and felt proud of my well-kept home.

Now that I’m a mother and I spend 11 hours a day out of the home for work, how do I find time for that? Would that hour that allow myself to go to the gym these days make a difference? Should I be using that time to bake instead?

I’m not sure balance is the right word when it comes to life. It’s often more like sacrifice. You have to decide where you’re willing to let things go, personally and professionally. Some things are more important than others, but sometimes you have to make tough decisions. It’s not always easy and it doesn’t always go the way you want it to.

It’s hard to step back and give ourselves credit for doing so much when we feel like we should still be doing so much more. So to all you moms and wives, here’s your reminder for today: You’re doing a good job.

My First Mother’s Day

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mommies, mommies-to-be, aunties, grammies, nannies, etc. I hope you all had a beautiful day yesterday!

I had an excellent day full of time with my little W, which is really all I could’ve asked for.

I was pregnant on Mother’s Day last year although my belly wasn’t really noticeable yet, and apparently it’s not official until the baby is born so I was thrilled to celebrate my first Mother’s Day with my baby. I must say, it was much nicer this year to not be nauseous, cranky and exhau–well, I’m the mother of an infant, I’m most definitely still exhausted…

We were up pretty early  – W decided 6:15 was a good time to start the festivities. I got to open my cards in bed and then we all lounged around until it was time for me to head off to spin class. My instructor gave us a Mother’s Day-inspired ride with songs like “Sweet Child of Mine” and “Hey Mama.” She also acknowledged the fathers in the room, for without them we wouldn’t be mothers but also, sometimes they make us feel like mothers because they behave like children… Everyone can use a little humor early on a Sunday morning.

When I got home, brunch was waiting for me on the table. My husband prepared pancakes with a strawberry puree and mimosas. And as he mentioned, you can’t spell mimosas with mom. Simply divine.

I knew the pancakes were coming since we stopped at Williams-Sonoma the day before to pick up our favorite pancake mix. He also picked up a pancake pen to bring some creativity to his presentation…

After we finished eating, my husband asked if I was ready for my gift. I had no idea what to expect. When he said he’d be right back because he had to go out to the car to get, I was even more confused. When he came back in, he presented me with a brand new BOB Revolution SE that he had been stashing at his brother’s house. At long last, my search for a jogging stroller was over! And even though I had already been to the gym, ate pancakes and drank a mimosa, we were going to take the baby for a spin. It was warm, the sun was shining and we had no reason not to get out and enjoy it. It’s an excellent running stroller — more on that in a future post.

Then it was time to get dressed and head out to a late lunch by the beach. I had picked up this outfit for W at babyGap a couple of weeks ago. Even though I like to dress him up most of the time, I couldn’t resist this comfy, casual outfit that seemed like it was made just for this day.

We ended the day with a walk. We took W to the playground for the first time and took him down the slide and on the swings. He was not impressed but my husband and I were ecstatic.  We give ourselves away as first-time parents because we take a camera everywhere we go. A mother with three children easily noticed our excitement as she juggled her kids around the playground. I hope I never lose the desire or motivation to capture all those special moments if/when we add to out family.

All in all, I couldn’t have asked for a better day!

Darling, It’s CHANEL: Mommy Style

One recent morning, after another late night and very little sleep, I was feeling less than motivated to get myself ready for work. After checking out my top knot in the mirror and thinking that I looked like a hot mess of a mom who just gave up, I decided I had to fix myself. And quickly, before I missed my train.

I slicked back my hair into a chignon and instantly felt inspired.

I raced to my closet to pull out a CHANEL shift dress.

I felt chic instead of shabby.

I paired the dress with a pair of gray ballet flats and a big gold CHANEL bracelet and I was ready for the day.

The outfit did pose a bit of an issue when it was time to pump. Unless they are designed for breastfeeding, dresses aren’t typically easy to manage…

Full-Time Employee, Part-Time Mother?

Last night, when it was after 11 pm and I was trying to finish sending another work email, W was standing up in his crib… yelling… at me…

I found myself frustrated. I was overtired. And so was he.

I had worked a full day. I stopped to pick up a few things on my way home from work (here’s hoping my husband will be happy when he comes home today after a business trip to find fresh baked peanut butter swirled brownies…). And then I needed a trip to Buy Buy Baby to pick up milk storage bags — a necessary evil for a working breastfeeding mom. And after several unsuccessful efforts at working out, which included holding W on my hip as I tried to hit my stride on the elliptical, I eventually gave up on the hope that I was going to burn any calories.

I finished my work, showered and crawled into bed with W. He was asleep within five minutes. At the time, I felt myself get annoyed because if he had just closed his eyes earlier, I could’ve worked out, painted my nails and been in bed by then. After a few minutes, I looked down at my newly cracked fingernail and carefully rolled out of bed to grab a file and salvage what were once beautifully manicured nails. The baby’s eyes popped open, he pushed himself to a seated position and wailed. I wasn’t even leaving the room! I dropped the file and cradled my son. It’s roughly 12:30 am at this point. Embrace it, I told myself. Close your eyes. You need sleep. You’ll go to the gym/paint your nails/do your hair/organize yourself tomorrow…

This morning, after I scrambled to get myself ready for work (and not going to the gym, of course), I gently rocked W to wake him up to say good morning, change him and kiss him goodbye before I left for work. We spent all of five minutes together. As I handed him over to his Nonna, he looked at me as if I was abandoning him, again.

He couldn’t be more loved or cared for, but my heart still broke as I grabbed my keys and walked out the door.

I’m gone for about 11 hours every day and I miss my son terribly while I’m gone. I have to do a better job remembering that W is awake at night because he wants to spend time with Mommy. We fight our biological clocks (and better judgment) because we’re together.

I constantly fight the pain of working full time and feeling like a part-time mother. We are told we can have it all and then we are harshly reminded that we can’t. We have to make sacrifices but it seems like I’m losing out on the more important things.

I’m always trying to feel like I have some kind of balance. I relish the time I get to spend with W — eating dinner together, bath time, story time, snuggles on the couch, walks outside on the weekend, even those sleepless nights.

Working moms, how do you find your balance? How do you deal with the sacrifices?

Starting Solids

Maybe it’s because we were approaching the right age, but I felt like for the past few months everywhere I looked I saw more content about starting solid foods. It was enough that my baby would be reaching yet another major milestone but then it seemed like food could be a whole new obstacle.

At his four-month appointment, our pediatrician said we could consider starting oatmeal between four and six months. Due to the arsenic found in rice, she is no longer recommending parents start off with rice cereal. But I knew I was waiting at least six months to give him anything other than breast milk. There is often some conflicting information regarding starting solids but they all seem to note that it is best for a baby to be exclusively breastfed until six months old.

It’s usually surprising to me when I hear other parents say they offered solids to their children at four months or younger. But I’m sure they’re just as surprised knowing that I waited more than seven months to offer W his first taste of solid food.

It was a bit daunting. I wanted to be completely prepared. It had to be a weekend that we were home and could devote time to photos, video and bath time. And I “needed” the right gear. We stopped by Buy Buy Baby to stock up. W’s dining gear includes:

Oxo Tot Sprout High Chair

Green Sprouts Spoons

Green Sprouts Waterproof Bibs

Green Sprouts Sippy Cup for water

We started him off with organic butternut squash. At first taste, he gave me a terrible face that expressed, “Mommy, why are you doing this to me?” Then he spit it out, gagged and cried. So dramatic! It made for quite the photo/video memory. Over the next few days, he eagerly opened his mouth and swallowed the squash.

About every five days we try a new food so we can rule out allergies. He has since had sweet potatoes — that went over very well. But I also ended up with another round of orange veggies flung across my dining room… Next came peas. He hated them. As soon as they went it, they were sputtered back out. Last night, he got his first taste of fruit. Other than the first surprised face at a new taste, he happily leaned in with his mouth open, ready for the next spoon of mashed banana.

We try to make eating stress-free and fun. He eats along with us so he is part of the action. If he doesn’t want to eat it, I let him just play with it. I want him to look forward to meal time and feel good about trying new things. A good friend once said to me, “Food is fun before 1!”

Helpful resources:

• The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding
• Baby Led Weaning
• Raising Baby Green

Warmer Weather

The weather is getting warmer so it’s time to break out some of the warmer weather clothing. It’s actually quite balmy in our home year-round so it’s not uncommon for W to be lounging in just a onesie… Although, since he was born in September and we went right into the cold weather, the mother in me always wants him in pants and a long-sleeve shirt.

Giggle’s Better Basics organic apparel is phenomenal. They partnered with Under the Nile — one of my favorite companies for organic baby clothes, blankets and things — to offer a great selection of organic baby items. The cotton is soft, washes well, stands up to messy babies and has a great fit. The striped collection is one my particular favorites. For boys, they offer combinations of light blue/navy and navy/orange.

I’ve had the long sleeve version of this romper in every boy color and every size for W, and now we also have the long johns set. So. Darn. Cute. The short sleeve romper is perfect for playtime. And I always feel better about dressing him in organic cotton. We’ve received many comments on these pieces. They make great gifts. Check out giggle.com!

A Letter To My Son

The past week silenced my blog. I couldn’t bear to post something superficial about the outfits we were wearing and I couldn’t find the appropriate words to express the emotions that I was feeling as the week unfolded.

Each day last week, I cried as I left my home each morning. Life has a whole new meaning for me now that I am a mother. The world we live in can be a frightening one, and I felt helpless that there are things that I cannot protect my son from.

Life changes in an instant. And I’m going to try to focus on the good instances. Each new moment is exciting for W as he grows and experiences new things. As he reaches each new milestone in his life — and we saw so many just over the past two weeks — he brings me so much joy. It inspired me to write him a letter, expressing not the horror of last week but the hope for his future.

Dear W, my “beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy,”

As I began to write this letter, I could only think of John Lennon’s “Beautiful Boy,” and you’ll find lyrics from the song sprinkled in between my words to you. It was one of my favorite songs to play for you after you were born (it still is!). We would sit together in the recliner in the hospital and we’d listen to music as I tried to block out the lights, sounds and general hustle and bustle happening outside the sliding glass door in the NICU. It was just you and me in those moments. 

Here we are, seven and a half months in. You are incredible! You’re growing, you’re learning, you’re exploring and you’re taking everything on with such excitement and pride. 

I wish you could’ve seen your face when you pulled yourself up to standing in your crib last week. What a huge milestone! You are so determined to get where you want to go and do what you want to do that you are conquering these “challenges” earlier than expected. I never want you to lose that fire.

I’m so excited for you to experience the wonderful things in life. “I can hardly wait to see you come of age...” And I promise, eating sweet potatoes isn’t as good as it gets! “Every day in every way, it’s getting better and better…” 

I want you to remember, as you grow up in this crazy world, that you are loved. I want you to feel comfort, to feel safe, to feel confident in who you are. I want you to carry that with you always. Life is going to throw in some curve balls and you’ll need to be prepared to hit them straight on. “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans…”

I couldn’t feel more proud of being your mother, although I’m quite certain that you’ll show me that, in fact, I can. I wish you joy, hope, love and peace in your life, my sweet boy. And I know that you’ll continue to amaze me day after day.

And in closing, a line from a book that I sobbed through the first time I read it to you, “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be.”

All my love,

Mommy