I heard him cry, a loud piercing cry. I started to cry. What they were doing to him? I just wanted my baby! I made my husband promise they weren’t doing anything. They brought him to me to put him on my chest. I unfortunately started convulsing and felt nauseous so they took him away. My husband went with him to the NICU. The midwife stayed with me as they put me back together, but I had never felt so alone.
They wheeled me to a recovery room where a nurse said she would keep an eye on me. So there I was. A new mom! All alone, separated from my new baby and my husband. And I was freezing. The nurse covered me in warm blankets, turned up the heat and walked away. I cried and fell asleep.
When I was wheeled to my room, I was relieved to see my mom. I’m so glad I wasn’t brought to another room to be alone. There were beautiful flowers and big blue balloons! But no baby. My husband was still with him in the NICU.
A nurse set me up in bed. And then came the real nausea. A side effect of the anesthesia they told me. So I had major surgery, was separated from my family and was vomiting every drop of water I tried to put in my now hot, sweaty, swollen body. I wasn’t the blissful, glowing mom I thought I would be.
But finally it was time to go see my baby! I got sick on the way to the elevator and again once I got to W’s room. As they rolled me through the NICU the nurses told me my baby was waiting for me. Give me my baby, I thought. I had no idea where in the hospital we were, I couldn’t tell what the room looked like, I didn’t know who was there. But my baby boy was crying. He was hungry, angry and surely scared that his whole world changed and the constant familiar voice had been missing for a long time. Someone handed my baby to me and then everything else around me faded. I got to nurse my baby for the first time and despite everything that was thrown at us and done to us, we both knew what we were doing.
I remember my mom and mother-in-law walking in. I remember their smiles and their comments about all of his hair and what a great size he was — 6 lbs 6 oz and 19 inches long.
I was beaming.